The Madness of My Mind

Like many people, I found myself reflecting on another passing year, wondering if it was the year I wanted it to be when it all began.  To find the answer to that question, I did what I often do, which is have a conversation with myself.  One of the many advantages of working for yourself, is that you can't be fired for moments of insanity.  While chatting with myself, I asked the following questions.

Did you laugh?  And if so, was it frequent and uncontrolled?  Did it attract the attention of others?  Did it make strangers want to know what was so funny?

Did you cry? And if so, did you act as the gate keeper who rationally decided enough was enough, or did you let nature take its course and allow the cloud to release all that it had before moving onto new lands?

Did you learn?  And if so, did those lessons add value to your life or the lives of others?  Did you seek and obtain knowledge that deepened your understanding of why trees grow, babies cry and sports fans scream?

Did you feel?  And if so, what did you feel?  Was it the excitement of a new beginning or perhaps new lips against your mouth?  Was it a yearning for something more or more of the same thing?  Was it a crash of the unexpected or the swoop of fond memories?  Were the feelings real?

Did you sense?  Did you take time to taste the salt on the tip of your tongue or did you just eat?  Did you see the way he looked into her eyes as he stood aside so she could pass through?  Did you hear the train conductor offered her co-worker a portion of her lunch?  Did you smell the strong fragrance of the old lady who has lost her sense of smell?  Did you feel the pillow that supports your thoughts and dreams?

Did you give?  And if so, how much?  Was it all you had or an amount just less than your definition of scarcity?  And what denomination did you choose? Was it with money, time, smiles or ears?  Was it enough to make the receiver remember?

Did you work?  Or did you get paid to play?  Did you remind yourself that there is a difference and that a person's DNA does not dictate which one you have?

Did you create?  Was it for you or for others?  Was it calculated or abandoned?  Did you finally let yourself feel the joy of letting that idea that's been floating around in your mind have its moment in the sun?

Did you ask?  Was it a question you have been avoiding for too long?  Did it force you to consider whether this isn't the car you are meant to drive?  Did it hold someone else accountable for the things they say without thinking?  Have you held yourself accountable to your own answers?

Did you try?  Although the fruit was too high to reach, did you try to build a step ladder or did you eat the bruised pieces on the ground?  Did you get distracted by the party around the trunk or did you try to climb above the heads of those that settle for expected outcomes?

Did you love?  Was it someone or something?  No matter what it was, did you let yourself love it enough to feel its glory and to fear its loss?  Did you let love dance without concerning yourself with the beat of the song, but with the beat of your heart?

Did you live?  Did you forget the unchanging past or the unpredictable future to soak up the greatness of now?  Did you live the eulogy you one day want read?  Did you play it safe to increase the guarantee of grey or did you take a risk that would guarantee colour?  It may not be the colour you wanted, but any colour is better than grey.

With each passing year, the movie our life becomes that much longer.  New characters are added and some scenes may change.  There are reactions to other movies playing around us and there are times when you decide to drastically rewrite the script.  And at the end of each year you have only one question to ask yourself.  Is this movie worth watching?

I am writing this week's newsletter with an ice pack strapped to my left shoulder because of an injury I sustained while pushing the limits of my own personal film.  And although it hurts tremendously, it's a scene that I get to watch over and over again with a smile on my face.

Days, months and years will pass.  Eventually a time will come when there will be no more room left for New Years Eve.  And that is when we will close our eyes and watch the movie we created.  Here's to making it the greatest film of all time!

Happy New Year and Much Love!

Stuart Knight - http://stuartknight.com/